Welcome to the State of Misery.

Missouri. If you don't like the weather, stick around. It'll change.

My alarm clock woke me up. I don't know what noise it makes, but it wakes me up. Honestly. It might go dee-doo-dee-doo-dee-doo, or waaaaaaaaaaaaaa, but I don't know. I'm never awake at that time of the morning. I may be stumbling around the house and looking like I am awake, but that's only a cover.
...

Fifteen minutes after getting out of bed this morning, I was driving to an appointment. The alarm going off on the radio helped wake me up.

"DEEEDOOODEEEDOOODEEDOO. A FLASH FLOOD WARNING IS IN EFFECT....."

You know him. The monotone weather dude. I'm driving through town. Perfectly happy to be asleep. I don't want to know my world's in peril! No wonder everybody hates the weather man. I guess that's why we replaced him with a computer.

I've decided it's time we reword the monotone dude so he's more understandable. That way if you're not yet awake, or just a redneck, you can understand him. Here's my proposals:

(To be read in robotic monotone.)

DEEDOODEEDOO (etc...)
A TORNADO WATCH IS IN EFFECT FOR YOUR AREA. THIS MEANS YOU SHOULD NOT BE OUTSIDE TRYING TO SEE TORNADOS. YOU SHOULD BE INSIDE CALMING YOUR CHILDREN. WHEN WE SEE A TORNADO WE WILL TURN THE LITTLE DEEEDOOO THING ON AGAIN, SO YOU CAN REALLY PANIC. UNTIL THEN, PLEASE ENJOY SOME MOZART. (Classical music plays...)

DEEDOODEEDOO (ETC...)
A TORNADO WARNING IS IN EFFECT FOR YOUR AREA. TORNADIC ACTIVITY HAS BEEN SIGHTED. IN OTHER WORDS, PIGS, COWS AND HORSES HAVE BEEN SEE IN THE AIR. MYTHOLOGY IS FALSE, SO WE DEDUCE IT TO BE A TORNADO. SEEK A LOWLYING AREA IMMEDIATELY.

DEEDOODEEDOO (etc..)
A FLASH FLOOD WARNING IS IN EFFECT FOR YOUR AREA. AVOID LOWLYING AREAS. HOWEVER, THE NOAA WEATHER ADVISORY IS NOT LIABLE FOR ANYONE GETTING SUCKED UP BY A TORNADO. OR TORNADIC ACTIVITY.

Just imagine what it would say at the rapture....
//////

Let mercy lead
Let love be the strength in your legs
And in every footprint that you leave
There'll be a drop of grace

If we can reach beyond the wisdom of this age,

Into the foolishness of God

That foolishness will save

Those who believe

Although their foolish hearts may break
They will find peace

And I'll meet you in that place

Where mercy leads

"Let Mercy Lead" by Rich Mullins